试译狄兰其一 (豆瓣 脆弱的诗歌小组小组)

{"blocks":[{"depth":0,"entityRanges":[],"inlineStyleRanges":[],"key":"","text":"版权归作者所有，任何形式转载请联系作者。\n作者：刘智临（来自豆瓣）\n来源：https://www.douban.com/doubanapp/dispatch?uri\u003d/note/662347110/\n\n在我敲打前\n 狄兰·托马斯\n在我敲打 肉体允我进入前, \n以流体的手轻叩子宫, \n我曾无形如这水\n塑成邻傍我家的约旦河\n是玛妮莎女儿的兄弟\n与被父养育的蠕虫的姐妹. \n\n我对春夏聋然不闻, \n不知日月姓甚名谁, \n感到肉体之甲胄下的砰然声, \n而今犹在熔融形式中\n铅沉的星星, 雨点般的锤\n在我父的穹顶忽闪摇垂. \n\n我悉知冬日的讯息, \n飞溅的冰雹, 孩子气的雪, \n风是我姐妹的追慕者; \n我内里的风飞跃, 生自地狱的露水; \n我静脉中流着复活节的天气; \n那未至的我已知之寤寐; \n\n虽犹未至, 我确已受苦; \n梦的刑架 我百合花的骨头\n确被揉拧成活生生的密码, \n而肉体被刈剪 以交叉穿过\n加诸生者的十字架的线绳\n与受绞而湿透的头脑里的荆丛. \n\n我的咽喉在那由皮肤与脉管\n环笼着墙的构筑前悉知焦渴\n那里词与水浑然一元\n生息无穷直至血流腐臭\n我心悉知爱, 我肚腹饿\n我在我的粪里嗅出蛆虫\n\n而时间抛逐了我终有一死的凡生\n将我在海上或淹溺或漂流. \n因熟识潮汐那盐渍的探险. \n而从未触碰岸渚\n我这富足者变得更富足\n凭着呷饮年华的葡萄酒. \n\n我, 生来是肉体与幽魂, 既非\n幽魂亦非人, 却是终有一死的鬼\n而我被死亡的翎羽击垮\n我是活至最后的凡生\n悠长的呼吸 报给我父亲\n他垂死的基督的讯息\n\n尔辈在十字架与祭坛前鞠躬者\n记住我 并怜悯他\n是他将我的肉体与骨头作甲胄\n欺骗了我母亲的子宫\n\n\n（刘智临译）\n\n\n(The Original: )\n\nBefore I Knocked\n by Dylan Thomas\nBefore I knocked and flesh let enter, \nWith liquid hands tapped on the womb, \nI who was as shapeless as the water \nThat shaped the Jordan near my home\nWas brother to Mnetha\u0027s daughter \nAnd sister to the fathering worm. \n\nI who was deaf to spring and summer, \nWho knew not sun nor moon by name, \nFelt thud beneath my flesh\u0027s armour, \nAs yet was in a molten form \nThe leaden stars, the rainy hammer \nSwung by my father from his dome. \n\nI knew the message of the winter, \nThe darted hail, the childish snow, \nAnd the wind was my sister suitor; \nWind in me leaped, the hellborn dew; \nMy veins flowed with the Eastern weather; \nUngotten I knew night and day. \n\nAs yet ungotten, I did suffer; \nThe rack of dreams my lily bones \nDid twist into a living cipher, \nAnd flesh was snipped to cross the lines \nOf gallow crosses on the liver \nAnd brambles in the wringing brains. \n\nMy throat knew thirst before the structure \nOf skin and vein around the well \nWhere words and water make a mixture \nUnfailing till the blood runs foul; \nMy heart knew love, my belly hunger; \nI smelt the maggot in my stool. \n\nAnd time cast forth my mortal creature \nTo drift or drown upon the seas \nAcquainted with the salt adventure \nOf tides that never touch the shores. \nI who was rich was made the richer \nBy sipping at the vine of days. \n\nI, born of flesh and ghost, was neither \nA ghost nor man, but mortal ghost. \nAnd I was struck down by death\u0027s feather. \nI was a mortal to the last \nLong breath that carried to my father \nThe message of his dying christ. \n\nYou who bow down at cross and altar, \nRemember me and pity Him \nWho took my flesh and bone for armour \nAnd doublecrossed my mother\u0027s womb.\n\n\n\n\n ——3.23午毕\n\n\n\n\n[注]：这首诗，三日里或辍或作地结结巴巴译完了。确实难译，原文之格律、韵脚皆严谨以至如此，有如中文格律诗，令明者惊叹；又处处是多意词句、语词游戏、朦胧晦涩的互喻互示……真不知他是如何写成的，若要感叹，也只好陈词滥调：“啊，艺术家是仅次于上帝的人！”我未找到这诗的其它译本，或是这诗本不可译的，而我偏要译，自然是“知其不可而为之”。原文的韵脚，每段大抵用严整的交叉韵，全诗押一韵，而每段添一辅韵，读者自看原文，这里从略；我的译文里试图保留押韵，然而却大抵全篇凑泊着一主韵一副韵，以为全诗“引线”，亦有临时两行一韵处；另外多意处、文字游戏处我皆有注意，或在译文里将就出之，或不知何以出：\"shapeless\"与\"shape\"的矛盾修辞、\"fathering\"本有抚育意而亦需注意其与全篇首尾的\"father\"之关联、\"swing by\"有短暂拜访意亦有“悬荡”意（注意全诗写耶稣，耶稣“短暂拜访”人间且终“悬”于十字架；）、\"rack\"与\"gallow\"、\"living\"与\"liver\"、\"cross\"与\"crosses\"与\"doublecross\"、\"wringing\"意为“湿透”而词根\"wring\"却意为“绞”、两个\"message\"、几个\"mortal\"与\"ghost\"……这次我复惰怠起来，不愿如我译狄兰的那两首诗——《我切开的这面包》与《穿过绿色导火索驱动花朵的力》——时那样细细缕析了，读者若注意对比原文各处及原文与译文自能发见狄兰的良苦用心。末段\"flesh and bone\"我以为译作“骨肉”不好，在中文里易引起是说我的“孩子”的歧义，而原诗此处无此意。这诗无疑在写耶稣，而诗人明白地将自己比作耶稣，将自己的生涯与耶稣受难互喻互呈，那“父”于耶稣便是“上帝”无疑，而于狄兰或是对于他的至高者（真理、诗与艺术、美？）的暗喻——这只是我的浅见罢了，其余意义自然能说得通者亦多矣；那“我”可浅解为耶稣与诗人自己，而“他”则大抵是上帝或曰至高者。全诗这样深邃精巧，意象仍如他的性情那样诡谲辉煌，如此优雅克制地抒发悲怆哀情，似含蓄地批判了“上帝”等等，表达了对其不满，兼及对生死、肉灵的思索。那受难的痛苦未至，我却已知悉，已在为之承受——耶稣是确凿被钉在十字架上（据《圣经》，他自己亦早先悉知），诗人则是在自己的梦幻里、艺术里受着刑，并在痛苦中将其“百合花的骨头”提炼出、将其美高腾升华……再说下去，就要喧宾夺主了。这些是给作为蠢蛋的读者们说的，慧明的读者自不必注解；这诗也本是给不通英文的读者译的，若能够，还是去读原文吧。","type":"unstyled"}],"entityMap":{}}